


protect and serve

by decideophobia



Series: tumblr fics [7]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: M/M, Police Officer Derek Hale, Snark, Texts From Last Night
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-18
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-10-31 04:41:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17842640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/decideophobia/pseuds/decideophobia
Summary: (608): you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"





	protect and serve

**Author's Note:**

> This is another old one from tumblr.

**(608): you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"**

“That guy looks like he’s contracepting with his face,” Stiles says to Scott, nods at some dude coming out of the school building. 

“Don’t be mean,” Scott chides, pushing his elbow into Stiles’ side. “You were weird-looking in high school, too.”

Stiles almost drops his basket, clutches at his chest in shock. “And here I was thinking it were my high standards that kept everyone away,” he deadpans before he turns to a group of girls passing by, bats his eyelashes with a smile and puts some condoms in each of their hands. “Stay safe,” he tells them as they back away, giggling. 

“Did you adjust your standards in college or how come you barely went a week without sex?” Scott asks, smiles at two shy-looking boys that stare up at him with wide eyes. When he holds out his basket with condoms, both of the guys look like they might get an aneurysm. 

Stiles snorts sardonically. “Funny.”

Scott pats his shoulder placatingly, and Stiles swats his hand away, mock-hurt. Some jock guy and his brainless lackeys pass them, laughing loudly and making stupid, inappropriate jokes. Stiles rolls his eyes so hard he can feel it in his toes, thrusts his basket at King Moron and says, “Take as many as you want.”

King Moron and his brainless friends caterwaul like they’ve just won a prize. 

“Guys like you can never have enough condoms,” Stiles adds. King Moron looks way too proud of himself, not altogether a surprise that the meaning behind Stiles’ words completely blew past him, so Stiles opens his mouth to add a clarification when Scott shoves his elbow into his side again, hard.

When Stiles turns, yelping, Scott is glaring at him, shaking his head minutely. “Stop provoking,” he mouths while Stiles rubs the spot over his ribs.

He huffs, pulls the basket back from the guys’ greedy hands, and glares at everyone passing him out of spite while Scott continues cheerily handing out the rubbers. It’s kind of ridiculous too, considering the amount of girls and boys who stare and smile dreamily at his best friend, who turn bright red when Scott addresses them--and Stiles should not be getting jealous over not getting any attention from _high school students_.

“Stop flirting with minors,” Stiles snaps, having watched Scott talking to a girl for five minutes. She flushes to the hairline, almost the same, bright hue Stiles turns when he’s embarrassed, and Scott looks frantic and scared suddenly.

“I’m not--I wasn’t--Stiles!” He casts a furtive glance over his shoulder.

Stiles follows Scott’s eyes and gets stuck on the hottest piece of manflesh he has ever laid his eyes upon. Tall, dark and handsome doesn’t even begin to cover it, this guy is like a Greek god and a GQ model all at once. Stiles isn’t sure someone looking like that wasn’t cultivated in some lab. Greek God GQ Model has a jawline to end all jawlines, a meticulously trimmed beard, a set of strong-gamed eyebrows, and--Lord save him--is dressed in a police uniform, and god, Stiles wants to get all up in that in all the ways possible. 

He’s standing close enough that Stiles can hear him talk; he’s speaking to a teacher, and his voice is calm and softer than Stiles would’ve guessed. When GGGM looks up, his eyes meet Stiles’ for a moment, and this, Stiles is sure, is it: from this point onward, nothing in life will ever be as bright, because nothing is as beautifully radiant as GGGM. Or something like that. 

Stiles grabs Scott’s arm and holds onto it like it’s a lifebelt, eyes fixed on the cop. “Scott,” Stiles whispers, awed. “I have seen the face of God.”

Scott grabs his chin, turns his head so Stiles faces him, and says, “No,” very stern, in the same tone he tells his very own puppy to drop Scott’s shoe. 

“Yes,” Stiles breathes, tries to twist his head to look at GGGM again, unable to help himself. 

Scott tweaks his nipple, in the painful way, not the sexy way, and Stiles yelps again, covers his chest; suddenly back on earth. “You’re such a creep sometimes,” Scott tells him. “Stop being a creep.”

Stiles huffs again, manages to tear his eyes away from GGGM, and continues handing out condoms. Condoms he could hoard for himself for all the crazy hot sex he could be having with GGGM. It’s a waste, really.

He picks out a foil, considers it for a moment, before he pockets it, for later.

They’re done half an hour later, Scott collecting their stuff and getting it back into the car, when Stiles pulls out the rubber, scribbles his number with black sharpie over the foil. He’s done just as GGGM is done talking with the teacher, and walks towards the gate, where Stiles is trying to linger inconspicuously. Scott is already rolling his eyes, because he’s full of shit begrudges Stiles having a sex life, apparently.

“Please tell me you’re not gonna proposition a cop,” he says while Stiles dreamily stares at GGGM. “Stiles. If your dad knew about this--”

“Suck it up Scott.”

“I’m not staying for this,” Scott threatens. “If you get your ass thrown into jail for this, I’m not going to come to bail you out.”

“M-hm.”

It’s hard to focus on Scott’s kitten-anger when GGGM is walking towards Stiles, _looking_ at him, and--those eyes should come with a warning. 

“I’m leaving,” Scott says.

“Yeah, buddy, see you later.”

From the corner of his eye, Stiles sees his best friend roll his entire body before he gets into the car and drives off. Stiles doesn’t find it in him to be offended, or angry, or anything but being mildly aroused already.

“Your friend just drove off,” GGGM tells him, stepping up next to Stiles. From up close, GGGM’s glory is almost unbearable.

“Yeah,” Stiles says faintly, mesmerized by the specks of gold in the guy’s eyes. 

“You need a ride?” GGGM asks, softly, with the barest hint of a smile. Stiles trips, standing, over absolutely nothing. But that, and the ambivalent meaning of GGGM’s words, make him snap back into himself.

Stiles smirks. “Sure,” he says, holds out the condom to GGGM. “It’s all about protect and serve, right?”

GGGM stares at him blankly, eyes flitting down to the condom, and up again. There’s a look on his face like he isn’t sure if he should arrest Stiles on the spot, or--

~

Stiles tilts his phone away from the early morning sunlight that’s filtering into the room, soft noises of traffic drifting in through the open window.

 _Do I have to come to get you out of jail?_ Scott’s text reads. 

_Nope_ , Stiles answers, grinning, as Derek shuffles, sits up behind him. Stiles leans back against his bare chest, sheets bunching around their hips, and Derek places a kiss on his shoulder. _Do you have some condoms left from yesterday?_

Derek huffs a laugh against his shoulder, having read along as Stiles typed in the text. “How about we go get some breakfast first?” he asks.

Stiles turns his head to look at him, leans in to seal his mouth over Derek’s. “Sounds perfect,” Stiles replies against his lips, kisses him close-mouthed, and smiles when Derek buries his nose in his hair, satisfied.

**Author's Note:**

> I have [Twitter](https://twitter.com/argentings), and you can come say hi.


End file.
